Today I got the strangest e-mail from my ex-boyfriend. I haven't talked to him in the four months since we broke up, but for some reason he decided to send me a snotgram. So here, for your viewing (and/or mocking) pleasure, the inspired words of my idiot ex-boyfriend.

Lizzy:

Since you broke up with me, I have attempted to be as patient as possible, enduring everything you sent my way in the hope that we could return to the friendship we had before we decided to try for a relationship. Instead, you have decided to torment me by teasing me with your periodic conversations and I've reached my limit on them. I can not and will not accept your delibrate attempts at hurting me anymore because it is hurting other people besides me. I still consider you a friend, despite everything you have done and if you ever have a problem or just want to talk, then yes I will be here for you. But otherwise, please, just let me go and live my life.

Goodbye Lizzy.

I'm not sure when I did any of these things--if I did them at all. And I prefer being accused for things I've actually done. I was expecting this directly after we broke up, not after four months of silence!

I don't think I'm going to dignify this with a response.