06 October 2003

Unfortunate Diagnosis

Lizzy has been diagnosed with theoretical retrogression. The diagnosis was offered by Dr. Jane (ORM, MTODS). Unfortunately, this condition, when combined with her previously-diagnosed MTOD (Music Theory Obsession Disorder), can be very volatile and cause severe grade-drops if not managed properly. Fortunately, the disease causes no pain to the patient. All symptoms, except for the low grade levels, are instead exhibited by those around her. The physical manifestations of the illness, as exhibited by other musicians in contact with the patient, include ear pain, headaches, and in the case of professors of music, profuse bleeding. This bleeding has never actually been witnessed, but the evidence is visible on the graded papers of the patient.

Lizzy does wish to seek a second opinion. If you know of any other specialists in MTOD or theoretical retrogression, or if you know of any other diseases, disorders, syndromes, etc, which share the described symptoms, please email the address at your left. It might be at your right if you're in the land behind the mirror, but I don't know for sure as I've never been there myself.

The good news for Lizzy is that, with hard work and perseverance, theoretical retrogression can be turned into theoretical progression, which is a good thing to have, at least according to the textbook.

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